Mom Guilt and Self Esteem

I spent all weekend finishing up Halloween costumes.  Sydney's was fairly easy. She asked to wear her dad's Grim Reaper Costume from last year.  All I had to do was re-size it, which was fairly simple.  Then we added some creepy make-up, and she was done.

Alli was a Little Red Riding Hood.  I sewed a red hooded cape from a simple pattern and a pillowcase dress from an ehow.com tutorial.  Then I added leftover lace to a pair of white leggings for makeshift pantaloons and leftover red check fabric to an old easter basket repainted black for a super cute treat basket.

Aubrey decided to be the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, the most ambitious of all three costumes.  I bought the pattern a few weeks ago, and instantly knew I was in over my head. Luckily, I got to skip making the dress (found a white sundress on a sale rack that worked well), but the red and black jacket had to be homemade.  Waiting until the last minute, I of course hit every obstacle (including breaking SEVEN sewing machine needles and therefore having to literally HAND SEW the whole thing).  We made a crown out of glittery gold paper and added some crazy make-up to her face as well.

What do you think?

What has this got to do with mom guilt?

I felt guilty all night!  Alli's costume could have used some sequins. Aubrey's costume was a little small (and she looked cold!). I wanted Sydney's face to be a lighter gray, but I ran out of white face paint to mix it.  Even though we got lots of compliments on the costumes, I still felt like I could have - and more over SHOULD have - done more!

WHY?

The kids had a blast and loved their costumes. Why can't I be as happy about them as they were?  Why do I always feel that as a mom I am falling behind?  Why don't I ever feel like I'm doing enough?

I see other mom's doing things for there kids, sometimes more than me and sometimes less, but I never fault them for what they do. In fact, I always feel a little jealous of them.  Wish I had thought of that! Wish I had taken more pictures! Wish I knew how to do that?

I have read a few articles about Mother's Guilt. Some say it's healthy and can show you where you may need to address things in your life. Others say that you should set boundaries on the things your provide your kids with (like Halloween costumes...lol) and not allow your self to feel guilty for not exceeding those boundaries.  I'm not sure about either idea.  I don't think guilt is paticlarly "healthy" since it literally keep sme up at night and is tied to my self esteem (which as I've discussed has already taken a hit lately), but I also don't understand how you can just tell yourself, "Okay! Don't feel guilty!" and then just ... NOT. 

I don't know. I guess my saving grace is that Halloween is over. Once I pack up the costumes, I won't need to think about what more I could have done.  (I'll just find something I could do better in November ...lol)

Goal Setting: 10/30/11

I read somewhere once that writing down goals makes them more real to you and hence you are more likely to work to achieve them. Here are my goals for the week!

1. Lose 2-3 more pounds. (I would love to see 180 on the scale!)
2. Exercise 3 times for a least 30 minutes.
3. Continue working on having a more positive attitude. This week I want to work on not automaticallysaying "no."
4. I will continue Bible Study this week and try for a lesson a day again.  I am also going to church (and taking the kids) with a friend on Sunday. I'm praying the roof doesn't cave in on me ...
5. I will do something nice for one person (who doesn't live in my house) this week. I'm not sure who or what, but I'm sure the inspiration will come to me.

This Week

Just a little review of how I did this week:

1. I hit my -10 lbs. mark! Hooray!
2. I only exercised 1 of my 3 goal days. Boo!
3. I have tried having a more positive attitude which is ... let's call it a work in progress ...
4. I'm not sure if I helped anyone else with the exceptions of my kids. I spent 2 very longs days sewing Halloween costumes. Does that count?
5. I did start Bible Study this week, but I didn't do it everyday like I planned.

So all in all, I didn't meet many goals this week. Next week I will try harder!

HOORAY!

Just a quick post today 'cause I'm in full-speed Halloween costume mode at the moment (I know, the very last moment...lol), but I still need to tell someone ....

I'VE OFFICIALLY LOST TEN POUNDS!

TEN POUNDS, PEOPLE!

Ten pounds was my first small goal! Wish there was time to celebrate,

but I think I'll settle for a few web fireworks!!!!

I'm SUPER excited (couldn't tell, could you?) and even more

determined to lose the rest. My next goal is a little different.  I'm not looking for

a weight loss number this time.

My next goal is to be able to get rid of my size 16 (gulp) jeans and slide back into the

next size down. (I am actually really  looking forward to the day I don't

have anymore big sizes to slide into and am FORCED to go shopping!!!)

It's all coming together! I just know it!

If you were here now, you'd see my happy jig!

(Think if I do it long enough, it'll count as a workout?)

Because I Said So!

Do you ever find yourself answering a whining or tantrum-throwing child with the phrase, "Because I said so!"?  I always hated it when my mom said it to me when I was a kid, but I've definitely found myself falling back on this line of reasoning once or twice (cough-cough-a-million-times!-cough) since I had kids.  This usually comes in a moment of frustration when no other answer seems to be just right, and I just blurt it out!

BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!

Well, I've decided to use that same logic on myself today. I'm going to be happy and let go of the little things that bug me ... because I said so!

I read an article this morning on Prevention magazine online called "How You Too Can Be an Optimist" that made some really good points on how to ditch a negative attitude.  Basically it boils down to this:

1. Do things that make you happy. (Easy enough.)
2. Learn to make light of negative situations. (That used to be my strong point! I can get that back!)
3. Remember that not everything is your fault. (This is a toughy, but I can work on it.)
4. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.... (I love Dory! Now THERE'S an optimist for you!)
5. Hang out with optimistic people. (Positive peer pressure, anyone?)
6. Do things to make others feel good. (Always a nice idea!)

It's funny, coming from the pessimist I seem to have become, how simple these six steps seem to be and how much sense each step makes!  (They make so much sense to me that I think they'll be the blueprint for my positive attitude makeover!  Today #1 and #6 are on my agenda. I'll let you know how that goes!)

The most basic idea that I got from this article though is that sometimes  you have to "fake it to make it." Sometimes (like for me ... RIGHT NOW) you just have to tell yourself that you are happy over and over again like it's your mantra. 

It's kind of like a basketball player standing on the free throw line when the game is all tied up and there's no time left on the clock.  He tells himself, "I can do this. I can do this. I CAN make this shot!" If you tell yourself you can do it, you probably will.  A pessimist might question "why would I think I could do that?" or "what if I fail?" while that optimistic player just keeps on whispering, "I can do this! I can do this!"  AND HE MAKES THE GAME WINNING SHOT!  SCORE!!!

So today I'm going to be a game winner! I'm going to be happy!  I won't ask how or why because I already know the answer ...

Because I said so!